Wednesday, 4 June 2014

Total Complete Muppet For Hire

If we were to select a favourite left wing extremist, then it would be Matty from Hope Not Hate.  Matty met his partner in crime Nick Lowles in a muddy field in Glastonbury when they were both the worse for wear and were rolling around in the mud fighting over a tin of special brew that some hippies had left behind.  Matty then caroused his way around the world with his pet monkey working as a circus clown.

There was a time when Matty tried to get in bed with some Nazi skinheads in a bed and breakfast in Munich, and ended up being the victim of a vicious assault, which was a result of his own deviant tendencies.  Matty even stormed the local police station when his pet monkey was taken into custody after it threw excrement at an off duty police officer who was out walking his dog, but it turned out to be the wrong police station.

Then Matty took to writing letters to the local paper claiming to be related to Quentin Crisp, but the letters were never published, Matty then tried to martyr himself by throwing himself in the local canal late one night, but the canal had been drained the week before and he got stuck in the mud and had to be rescued by the local fire brigade.  Six weeks later after the botched suicide attempt, Matty re surfaced with an asylum seeker called "Johnny Foreigner" who had escaped persecution from his next door neighbour`s cousin`s uncle`s cat who had been calling him nasty names.  Matty now believes that he his some type of respectable person for hire and was recently seen entering the Hope Not Hate offices with brochures advertising holidays in Thailand and Brighton