Over the last week we have seen some English Defence League members arrested, and as usual I have been excited and euphoric at the events. I was so excited that I ran to the nearest phone box in Soho and grabbed as many escort cards as possible and phoned them up and ordered a dozen "escorts" trafficked from Eastern Europe as part of a market budget scheme. The English Defence League in Teeside are having an open meeting and have removed the roof of the venue in order to make it more open to people such as captain Birds eye who will be using a number of his seagulls to defecate on E.D.L members heads. Jim Dowson is an interesting character of sorts and is known locally as" MR Interesting", Dowson discovered God and then discovered Nick Griffin in his back garden robbing his allotment, the pair decided to "team up" and rob banks to fund the B.N.P who were now pushing their extremist politics to the maximum by making their members walk around public wearing Klu Klux Klan costumes. So tight were Griffin and Dowson that they had to be separated with a pair of bolt croppers, it is also believed that Griffin and Dowson have been pushing newspapers filled with excrement through the letter boxes of Pakistani shops and takeaways.
Dowson threatened anyone who crossed him with a shotgun, and played Death And Destruction by Death Sentence (which is a favourite of Dowson`s) to his would be persecutors until their ears bled. Dowson also threatened to put people`s bollocks in a vice if they did not listen to him in the correct and appropriate manner. Jim Dowson also enjoyed kicking people in the head and shouting at them "you are a victim of this fucking war!" Dowson made the B.N.P a cloak and dagger organisation and Dowson could be regular seen entering the B.N.P offices wearing a black cape and rubber gloves to open hate mail that me and Nick Lowles had sent the B.N.P using various names such as "Ali Fax" and "Bradistanni. Dowson has now left the B.N.P" sinking ship" using a lifeboat that he robbed from Michael Jackson`s aunt. Dowson has also been intimidating people by sending his pet triffids to their houses "to sort them out".
We believe that the B.N.P is a Nazi and Fascist organisation because one of their members was photographed with his right arm in their air while urinating in a passage. Dowson`s antics are so outrageous that he has even grabbed hold of left wing journalists and strangled them to death and then disposed of their remains by throwing them in a mince meater and selling them off as mince meat to local butchers in Shankill road Belfast. Last month we revealed that Dowson`s political party is to fight the European elections by travelling to Brussels and having a "punch up" with other MP`s during a bar brawl that will occur on a night out in down town Brussels. We can also reveal that one B.N.P member called "Jack Russell " frequently attacks Polish people and enjoys "having a go at them" by goading them with a pool cue in his local boozer when he is "pissed up". What Jack Russell has done that is so terrible is that he has been "bastardizing" local people and then putting them on the Jeremy Kyle show and then laughing at them, Russell has also been writing articles for the "Daily Mail" newspaper charging three hundred pound per article to spread lies about the "Polish invasion" which believe it or not is n`t actually happening ! Russell also claims to have locked up seven thousand Polish criminals and stored them in his basement for safe keeping. Russell plans on turning them over and smacking them and sending them back to Poland on cheap Ryan air flights after plying them with cheap vodka.
